My friend Brie wrote me last week asking for help with a problem. It’s a little out of my realm of experience, but I told her if she wrote out what was going on, I’d post it here to see if any of my readers can help. I appreciate you all taking time to read this and comment.
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Hi. My name is Brie. I am the wife of a handsome, funny, loving husband and the mama of a silly, sassy, fearless and funny two-year-old son.
When my son was 16 months old, my husband and I noticed he still wasn’t speaking very much. At the time, we weren’t very concerned- he had turned over, crawled, pulled himself up, and walked a bit later then his peers. We mentioned it to his pediatrician, who was also unconcerned. Still, when he turned 18 months and still wasn’t saying any words beyond "Ma" and "Da" it was suggested that we contact our state Early Intervention Program and have an evaluation set up.
My husband and I assumed that we were simply dealing with a speech delay. Our son was affectionate, funny, happy and loving. He looked us in the eye, smiled at other people, wasn’t sensitive to noise. He could point out all of his body parts and loved to be read to. He is healthy, handsome, lucky and loved.
On the day of his evaluation, they looked at our baby and told us things we never even considered. Can you see how his feet turn out? He doesn’t run the right way. Does he often not answer to his name? His play skills seem lacking for his age. And he’s not speaking at all?Suddenly, all of the things I thought my baby was amazing at were…wrong? Two hours later, we had a fistful of paperwork and a heart full of "red flags". They weren’t physicians and couldn’t make a diagnosis, but we should know that our son showed many of the signs of having autism.
Nearly six months later, someone who could make that diagnosis did.
Suddenly, all of the dreams we had for our son were rewritten. We wondered if he would ever start to speak, or if what we thought was just a delay was actually something that had no beginning. Would our son be able to make friends? Would the sweet blonde boy who loved to be hugged drift away from us like a boat lost at sea?
We should have known. Our boy is made of stronger stuff then that. Early Intervention has been such a blessing for us, and our son continues to make progress every single day. Strangers come into our home and become a past of our boy’s life and help guide all of us to make sure that our son reaches his full potential. He is speaking, socializing, learning and loving. We work hard to make sure that our baby stays present, and that he is aware of what a beautiful world there is at his feet.
As we guide our son towards his still-bright future, my husband and I can’t help but wonder if there is a sibling in that future. Studies show that when a child is born with a challenge, the chances of having another challenged child increase. According to the Early Autism Risk Longitudinal Investigation (www.EARLIStudy.org) the estimate is a risk of 10-25 percent. When you have your first child, the risks are as vague as the potential- family history aside, every couple starts at the same starting off point for risk factors. We now have a child with autism, and the facts are, our chances of having another are more defined.
My husband and I are struggling with the idea of another child. We have dreamed of our family since we first became serious and our dreams were always filled with more then one child. With the risks in black and white, we both welcome and fear the idea of turning our noses up at the numbers and having another child. Our son will be an astounding big brother, and a baby brother or sister would only thrive in his loving grace.
This is where you, the readers of Jen’s amazing blog, come in. I am reaching out to anyone who has been in this situation- if you are willing to share. Do you have a child with autism? Downs Syndrome? Cerebral Palsy? And if you do, did it affect your decision to have another child? Did you go for it or were the risks too scary? My husband and I can look at the numbers until our eyeballs fall out, but hearing the stories of families who have been though this and can tell us how things played out for them will truly help us in our decision-making process. If you have a story to tell that goes beyond just a comment, please leave an e-mail address so I can contact you.
I thank Jen, so much, for allowing me to reach out to all of you. I thank you all, in advance, for your willingness to share.